i'm sorry i get so depressed and distracted. i try to cheer up for you but it all seems so sad around here. the weather is sad, and i feel deprived of sunlight and it's so hard to make your own. more than the weather it's the nihilism of all of us born into the apex species. that's the hard thing, not to feel a part of that. that's it, i just feel apart, here. i failed to escape, and here i am, stuck in this desolate civilized waste, this endless grey funeral of nature. 
i hope you are not too disappointed in life, in me. i love you so much i cannot say.