words like shore and sea. words like seashore, waterdog, taproot. blending identities.

i feel so strange in my skin. if i could step aside i would look at me in bafflement. who is it? thinking about identity, how unformed i was, how i used to be called a girl, and how i always identified with girls, yet i don't feel like i am a girl, i don't feel like i got the wrong body, i just feel like i like girls more than boys, maybe i identify more. watching the collaboration between petzold and hoss, the exploration of disempowered women struggling for identity, moves me. so it's to do with the struggle for identity, and in that i recognize that maybe my spirit is like a small girl. 
pshew. i'm too tired to make sense. last thing, i called lily sir, and i'm mortified. i knew she was a girl, yet, kind of, a transitional one, like physically, and i admit to confusion, though i knew. i said, humiliatedly, it's kind of like dude, you know, no, it's different, i'm sorry. so i apologized but i wanted afterwords to tell her, it's weird that i said that, after i was talking about feeling psychically female and speculating on various sexual identity blurrings in my family.