i get sad about death and seeing dead animals reminds me death is all around and i'm sad about that but seeing the dead i remember the live and to live and it's not so bad living.

john was worried about me with mister what about when he dies. i said i think about this often, i'll be heartbroke but i'm heartbroke now, i'm worldbroke, well that's macro nevertheless i say i think about it. i worry about you he says. i say thinking theses things just makes me wanna go there to him and hug and kiss him and love him like it's the last time cuz you never know and i got him now in my arms the anxiety is in play in love today. knowing the time is uncertain and short makes the heart keen and time a poignant nostalgia for this present.

 a dead vole. some beings you only know in death, when they cease to be.