daily i think, whats the fucking point. don't think that way Jasper! though i surely did at thirteen, i know i don't have to say it, you won't follow my sad tarjectory, but it seems to me the world's a harder place now than when i was thirteen, though my world was a divorce and the exile of the suburbs, and i just wish happiness for you. can you be my surrogate happy nephew? i look at the pictures. life seems to be in the past. now seems a kind of limbo or afterlife. i would love to compare notes but i fear mine would not reconcile. i lokk at the pictures and want to cry but my eyes are dry.. wait! this is not your birthday greeting! look below (it's not cheery enough for what i wish). ah, born of winter, summer seems so far away.

it is bleak, and it is lovely, and it's my country, right or wrong. i feel the beauty in retrospect, i feel the heat drain out, and slowly return. is set out once again.