as a picture i would like it, oh, if only it was a picture i could hang on a wall, or put away in a bottom drawer in the hallway, the one that used to creak when opened. or if it were a maquette i could place on the table and walk around, but it's massive, and overwhelmingly real, and i can't even bring myself to walk around it, even if i could. i can only look down at it from the window and feel the lurch in my gut and the momentary sense of falling down through space, and then leaning back, wishing with all my heart for the trees and the return of the park.