we tried to put on faces. i remember how tired my face was by the end of the day, when we had to go to dad's for xmas and pretend we were a family. i felt banished before i knew myself and then i had to hide. we were not who we were or thought we were supposed to be. i regret that, now dad's a ghost or nothing, that we couldn't just be real because we didn't know who he was or who we were supposed to be.