i sometimes feel i'm dreaming awake. in the bath just now i thought maybe this is a sleep world, and so we can't wake up, and i remembered our neighbor in deerfield was a sleepwalker. he fell down the stairs sometimes, but they couldn't wake him because they say you can't wake a sleepwalker or they'll die. i remember thinking duh, he could die at the foot of the stairs. they were probably lying like adults do. i thought maybe it's an uncanny slip of consciousness when we say someone might wake up dead, and we really will wake up when we die.