the float or the stage on 63rd st. reads r.i.p. $helby. i thought of shelby my sister's family pitty. she's got a disease of the spine and can't walk. this afternoon my sister called to say they were putting her down. letting her go i say. mercy. she's only six. she had this thing from birth, so six years is six years. no one knows how long they've got. none have long. since rose died i've thought about the good death. we're in a death cult and denial. we're making this whole thing up and it's insane. nature will laugh last while we're crying at our own funeral if we have any tears left.