it still seems really strange that he's gone, and that time that he was here is gone. and we're here. every time i think of him i just think there won't ever be anyone like him. so i have to have him.

i wrote that to barbara, who still thinks of getting another dog, and then thinks, but it wouldn't be him, and never gets around to looking, and time passes. 

and then i think we always say basically the same things and we say our grieving about the time now and gone and how we are here now rather confused in my case, rather missing what was when we were in the time yet not quite able to get it all and what now might have been.