came here before after mister. now with lulu and my stubbed toe. i sat and lulu stood behind me quietly. i said isn't this beautiful lulu, and then noticed flies were eating on her and i said let's get out of here lulu, and i had a body memory of mister swarmed with flies, and running and swishing them off with a green branch. i felt sad the flies were eating him, and sad for lulu. just watched the elliot smith film, sad and beautiful, like me and mister, and his friends said after the drama we remember the beauty, but as it was in life, sadness and beauty go together. i've felt sad but not cried lately, and i haven't featured mister here for days, but it's like when he was alive i didn't think of him continually because he was within me and i feel that way now though i'm deeply sad he's gone. i could cry, and i probably need to again soon.