should i be this tired? i shouldn't be so tired, should i? why am i so tired. it seems too grand to say i'm earth tired. i say bone tired. who's to say but i. there may be something underground happening. when a full leaved tree falls over, it's insides all eaten up, you wonder. parasites. the ground dies first and death travels up the roots. the host is scarificed. what's going on inside. people they suddenly die. could be psychological. i mean even death. we could die standing, walking about. people say let's no talk about it, it's too much, we don't have enough. we're all tapped out. we're all running on fumes. look in peoples' eyes. there may be a pulse yet too weak to light the eyes. well-being and illness, delight and despair may not be separate, may be enmeshed, maybe we're looking at death through living eyes and life through death eyes.
oh forget it, i'm just trying understand how i feel and i get nowhere, a pretense, enough to say i just feel lousy. i know but i can't say why. no, i don't know, i'm all confused, it's all mystified. i just want to finish this book, ash before oak, because tomorrow i want to start my new book, weather. you can be tired, dugs, i say, you know something, something tends your tendencies.