yeah, the stress of not knowing if he's going to die, soon, and me, when will i die. sometimes i want to, but then i want to stick around and see what happens. why can't i be a happy ghost. maybe i am a ghost but i got this sad body weighing on me. and how can i be so morose and be a human companion. i can't be good for anyone the way i feel. it will alleviate, but it will not last. i feel like despair's my steady state.