i decided (you can decide) not to be too anxious about some things. the sick fuck trump for one (because he's many) and my reading (because you can't read 'em all) and i read how i read and i'm not a woodhead or speed reader—even evilyn couldn't read 'em all—some things are always impossible including possible things like peace as we know possible things are only possible not reality and anyway we literally do not know what's real and what not, what's illusion and what we'll never know, the unknown is just that way, always teasing us like the unlived lives we know are probably carrying on all around us, without us. i can't be too anxious about family past or illness present. we get ill, and if it is us personally, well i do get more anxious, but it does nothing helpful—only makes it worse—and i hope my brother forgives me not attending more to family—i have been removed, but i feel close and not only figuratively. i'm not going to be too anxious about talk therapy—why? if you're going to talk it should be a balm to anxiety. and my relationship is to everything, including, but not ruled by, my anxiety (it's kind of like a little me). i believe i and r. will come to understand r. and me.