the moon woke me at 5. i read the water dancer back to sleep. hit the snooze button twice and the sunrise. i like the water dancer better than sontag. it's about slavery but it feels lighter than sontag life. the coffee is almost dark enough, i skimped a tad on grounds. why am i frugal in certain respects. i don't want to waste, i don't want scarcity. i indulge in some things and don't feel too good. i feel i was deprived in early childhood. i was an orphan in some ways. i suppose we all search for things we need, but how do we find them? some people just know, some just devour everything, some are left eternally wanting.