if something is indescribable you want to describe it. but i'm tired of describing the mystery of tinea. i just want to learn to live with it. i feel like tinea is my before and after, it's my 911, not to give it too much power, though it's a motherfucker alright, but just to note how i miss my health, and i feel like nothing will ever be the same again. my friend pat says tinea may be a lifelong thing, and counsels me to look up virulence, and i see:

...pathogens can express a wide range of virulence. virulence refers to the degree of pathology caused by the organism. the extent of the virulence is usually correlated with the ability of the pathogen to multiply within the host and may be affected by other factors (ie, conditional). in summary, an organism (species or strain) is defined as being pathogenic (or not), and depending upon conditions, may exhibit different levels of virulence.

i've haven't really talked to anyone who's had this affliction, or maybe one, but it didn't correlate to my affliction. i wonder how virulent my pathogens are, and how good a host i am. if one is invaded whether if partly by unconscious invitation the invader has to be welcomed for as long as the invader stays and graciously invited to leave at any time. one has to be a good host and not add trouble to an inherently tricky relationship. i hope my anxiety doesn't feed the pathogen and make it more virulent. there's a teaching in this that i'm having a hard time absorbing, as you can tell.