yesterday i wrote a note, i don't know if i'm making him sad or he me. yet so many times we've made each other so happy. i thought it was something like that, preoccupations, something between. when mr. is in trouble it's an existential crisis for me. i have to bring my focus back to him. i told sarah use the lack of focus, make everything focus. but i cower in fear at the same time. i said to sarah her writing read like an arrested quest. that was what i so often feel, i'm on an arrested quest. and what would happen without my dog companion. just arrest?