it's that i feel an existential crisis, that i'm in an existential crisis within an existential crisis writ large, a planet crisis, that if i'm in a relationship i'm in a relationship within a soul crisis within a planet crisis, and that i can only go with it, the way it is the way i am, and not with the ability to say what i am or what a world. as though there is no abstract, it's all crisis, and within that a relationship, or more, with joys and sorrows that come because there is joy in enduring and sorrow.