my friend says i'm just a critical mass of anger, pain and distress, and i'm sad that the deep love and joy i also feel are not apparent. but i think i'm adamant about expressing those qualities she laments, as i know a lifetime of suppression of their reality both in the family and the culture. we act as if we are in control, we act as if we are free, and our freedom creates chaos and anger and pain and distress in our country and throughout the planet, but that's not what we are supposed to feel, that's not our enlightened democracy, that's just a bummer, that's supposed to be for the other ones.

mister and ruby.