mister has been in hospital now for two days. sarah said she saw him stiffen like a statue, trembling. She mentions  "head pressing" a dread signal, and i think about how often lately he's been pressing his head between my thighs and others. as usual, i wonder what i did wrong, or failed to do, what i misinterpreted and failed to see. 
i think i've gone into wait and see mode, not knowing what else to do. i talk about damage with mm, and i wonder to what degree my damage affects what i see or fail to see, what i do, or fail to do. what risk my damage holds, like an ancient spell.

yet the universe we live in will never cease to be infinite, while our knowledge will never cease to be finite, limited, in spite of all the new things we learn.   -blaise pascal.

we tread with uncertainty, for we are caught between an infinity and an abyss of quantity.
                                                                                                                        -blaise pascal

reason can decide nothing here,
except to admit there is an infinity of things beyond understanding.

                                                                                                          -blaise pascal