i try to think about things. despair i suppose must be part of any philosophy of feeling. i try to think, it overwhelms me. one thing connects to another and it feels like we're all caught in a matrix of deceit and deadly development. the community is besieged by ruthless speculators. all the ordinary people are like the natives in the gold rush, pushed aside, their land despoiled, the air, water and soil poisoned. and then i think, ah well, i guess i'm not a philosopher at all. i'm just here.