each day starts with the feeling i'm receiving messages in my dreams i directly forget. all day i listen for echoes like a receiver. i read. i read. directly i start the next book i forget the last book. one day there will be a last book. will i remember everything when i die? i wonder if my neighbor knows she's dying. she grasps the rail. she wants something. i say how peaceful it feels, with the cats and the music and the blue and aqua walls and the bed like a crib. she says what more could i want. the music gets intense. she closes her eyes. blinks. hold on little trees.