i smile for the camera while my heart is crying. i'll miss my friend. darrel says i can walk her any time, but he's on the north side. charlie won't be in the building. i feel her absence today. it feels strange. she could have been my dog. i feel she is my dog, but she stays with my friend. she will feel like his dog. i'll hold a candle for charlie. i try to understand my life. she helped me understand. i hope she understands. we had an understanding. i hope she understands me. she'll be busy with a new understanding. i hope i did the right thing for charlie. i'm not sure about me. i'm glad i have r. and olive. charlie is like mister to me. i couldn't imagine life without him, and then it happened. i couldn't keep him from dying. but charlie's still here, yet not here. for a long while i felt mister was still with me in spirit, but his spirit was on a journey. he's with me in my memory. i can still visit the actual times we were together. the same with charlie. yet she is still in the world right now making new memories. i'm going to keep checking in to see if i did the right thing. i know my girl will be happy. what about me?