i'm having trouble concentrating, and remembering things. i go from book to book, unsettling. i think about mom, lost in her own house. i think about the evil government, murdering, marauding and murdering. i think about my teeth. i think about what julia said, we're responsible for crafting our own intellectual and emotional posture to the world, and i think—how? maybe she knows, but she can't tell me, i suppose. i think about where it's all leading, and i end up thinking about mom again, thinking about endings, feeling like i've hardly begun thinking, and i'm having trouble concentrating.