i started crying about a tennis match, then i started crying about my teeth, and behind all that i suppose i was crying about everything. we're not going to see a more just and sane world yet, not now, we're in this cascade of normality, watching it crush and explode and burn. i can't pretend—i tried alcohol and drugs—i never could. i'm seeing the world as i see it. all the gaslighting, all the illusions, the forced migrations, the extinctions, the genocide. and i'm listening to beautiful healing music, and i'm healing.