i was watching the new cosmos, he said how pattern recognition was our gift and our flourishing sensibility but there is also, and i'd add, increasing, false pattern recognition. like war they say is necessary for our survival which is certainly a pattern but is a massive global lie, a false and deadly pattern that will end in our own destruction.
on the way here i was thinking, there's big evil going on around here. i don't want to die on my birthday.
i was thinking on the bike, wary of the aggressive holiday vehicles, this is my soulstice, i don't want to die today. 
i feel good i feel sad i feel the light incipient. i want to live today. that's better. it is better to live today.