oh no i said too much. they think i'm crazy. why did i give them the blog address, they're going to see i'm even crazier here and what was i even talking about. i wasn't that awkward, was i? oh well i can't help it, i'm not that social. i'm a freak, not like in junior high, but an old freak. i'm not that bad, am i? i'm sincere right. so what does that mean. just let it go. ok i said i trusted it. do i? yeah but. i'm still ambivalent. 

in the above i used i or i'm sixteen times, i feel conspicuous about it but i'll probably do it again tomorrow. it's just nerves. well, not just. it's perverse, a kind of invert pride. 


(for robert and jeanne, who may have known me when i was a drunk obnoxious record store clerk and forgot with good reason and years)

  start again.