sunk inside. i feel despair i can't deny. i read an interview with chomsky, why i choose optimism over despair and i though let me get some of that, noam. but after many words he summed up with one line saying we can despair or we can try to make the world a little more livable; not much of a choice. thanks noam. they can't kill the desire to be free though sometimes that desire is muted in despair, despair itself is the yearning for something better than this world we made. and i say mr. atomic by john adams and thought it was brilliant but safe, if an operatic meditation on the nuclear civilization can be safe. i mean it's so encompassing it's easy. and oppenheimer was a natural operatic poet monster. i can't seem to take it light. though i laughed in the autism book, and was heartened by this movement of neurodiversity, which is an opening of the strictures of what is sane and insane, disease and eccentricity, a leaning toward that freedom that aspires within us no matter how criminal the body politic.