as a kid i had the feeling i didn't exist, or i existed but i wasn't known of, or seen, until i startled awake in class knowing i was naked under my desk. i knew there were ghosts and there was a difference. i had a body, and it was awkward, if unacknowledged. it goes way back, but i still feel that way sometimes. people are perhaps shy about acknowledgement sometimes, perhaps they too feel they don't exist for others and so they look through them as though they also are see-through. there's a vast indifference and lack of notice in people, especially now, when there are too many of us. we want to matter to someone yet we want to be left in peace. i don't mind the feeling, i only wish sometimes i was disembodied, but still existent, a spirit in the world, which is also this world.