as a kid when you turn to people for love and get absence or hurt you shut the feelings down and go into your private depression. as an adult you have to find your way out again, to trust that not all adults are assholes, nor all your peers, but it's hard when you are conditioned to expect indifference neglect or abuse. maybe other animals will help you, if you can see them and respect them. everything begins and ends with the most intimate needs you can imagine. you have to trust again when your trust is scoffed at and violated. you can begin again even if you are exhausted. just go slow, open up in time lapse, your face toward whatever light exists.