when i say let's go home he says which one. i'm feeling sad tonight. because i'm tired and i get sad when i get tired. i feel the gravitational pull of futility. that's the type of thing you can't lose, the feeling of standing at the edge of a gorge, autumn leaves, sunset, the last swim of summer, all the nostalgias that inhered a long time ago. and though he's only going to his house not far away, we won't be saying goodnight, i love you honey bear. he wont be sleeping with me, he won't be looking at me when i wake. i'll have to get on my bike and go wake him.
i know it sounds silly. everything. i'm just nostagiac for so many things that are disappearing, things already gone, not to be replaced, or replaced by towers and cold devices, and i feel so sad we've allowed the world to be this way, one long sad brutish occupation, so that we feel desperate for our dog, and can only think of burying our face in our dog's fur, and crying.