i wonder if this is going to work. feeling for days the fragile nature of life. thinking back, feeling back in time, it has always been this way. but this is a specific now. this has never been before. people used to say oh it was worse back then, you are lucky now, there's been such progress. boy that's a lie, it's serious bad now. some things are just the same, sexual predators and financial killers, people of no conscience, no care for living things, the cult of death is a human tragedy that has been unfolding since we came up out of the water and our tails started shrinking and we started using tools to kill.
but this is specific now. this now. i wonder if this is going to work. i thought it was going ok, the cats were occupying the same space at the same time with the dog and not bonding but being together at a distance. each at the edges of the other. jasper jumped on the bed with me at movie time, late, but then mister came in and i put his bed beside me, and jasper found a nook somewhere, and penny her orange pillow. so i watched most of the marriage of maria braun eating potato chips and acai and guarana smoothie packs, and jasper finally ate his food, i think, hope penny didn't, and that's the main thing, we all have to at least be able to eat and not get in each others way or fight. there's no fight, but this morning i thought i could feed the cats per normal and mister could sleep in a few, but they started and then heard his claws scritching in the hall and stopped, then started eating each others food, which is different because penny has struvite crystals and needs special, which jasper covets, and now i guess penny thinks the normal food is special, so then i put both away and let mister in to eat his kibble and pumpkin. oh my god the ghost of j.katz is in my fingers. ok. then i look out the kitchen window and it's snowing. so now i have to deal with hilde the incontinent snow gobbler. and i see myself walking mister home with his bed. but maybe we can still work this out. r. will be home saturday night. don't know when mister's mom will be home. will she go to rehab? again, i think, what will become of all of us. our little community seems so fragile, in a disintegrating world.

 at 3:30 a.m. i look and see mister is off his bed and almost entirely under mine. 

so what i'm a gonna do? i scootch the bed over, slide him out, he gets back on his bed, i read a page of on extinction, take a little brown deep sleep pill, and blessed morpheus carries me to the underworld with all the animals living and extinct.