karin fell on a tree root. she had a roomful of loving friends come to call. cathy fell in her bungalow, couldn't get up, crawled to the phone. i can't help thinking about where we will all end up. cathy is too proud to ask for help. something about pride seems beyond. i may have that too. i don't want to wind up in an unkempt room alone, crawling to the phone. what is it called, that thing we call pride because we don't know what it is? it has to do with what give too, what we are able to receive. karin gives by being, some of us withhold. everybody wants to give. what can we learn, how do we learn how to give and receive. what is natural. in a culture where giving is a material thing, how do we give by our being. if we weren't taught giving is receiving. how are we going to end up, who are we going to be with, who are we going to at last be. 
and my buddha soap or soap buddha is rapidly diminishing which may be neither here or there, i just, cuz i was just thinking of this in the shower i just wanted to say. when my buddha soap is gone down the drain how long will i be clean.
i don't know what will happen when i fall. several times on the ice on the bike i crashed and somehow always pop up. sometimes hurt but not incapacitated. this may change. r. asked who would be her emergency contact now mom has gone to cali, and asked if i would put a contact on my body, cuz where would i go if i was to fall hard, into the system somewhere, no insurance, just a skinny old coot with a library card, no i.d. i'm too tired to think about this now- the story of my life.