i was talking with a friend about society and isolation and she said i always think about society and it gave me pause for i've always felt a stranger to society and now more than ever i feel my society as an alien culture. yet i'm in it. and she is in it too i said, yet isolated. those touchpoints we have with an alien society that is also somehow ours and formed us can be painful, yet necessary just because we cannot exist in isolation entirely. and in this rumination there's a crux, of society, or of individual in relation, to individual, to society. the crux is that the society alienates, people like me, and i suppose people in general, and it's the kind of society you have to belong to, you have to subscribe to, to earn your way, to fit in. and in reality so many individuals simply do not fit in with this society, based on money, on a false agency, on not thinking about the cost. it didn't feel right to me when i was a boy, and it feels even less right now, because i know, because of what society really means. yet i said to my friend i do think about it, the abstract society, the hard real society, and i feel ore connection now, not to the abstraction that contains us, but to the odd ones out, who exist within the construct, yet are part of a looser more free society, of the isolated ones like me.

then we talked again. by text. she said yes i am a part of society but rejected. i said i have always been a reject, that's my relation. or that is how i feel. i don't know how society feels.
she said but the blog is a community. and i thought, ah, maybe... a community as it occurs, a community more natural to me. not good neighbors, wanderers, rejects, like me.