i reached a bottom in ukrainian village then climbed out, came here,
lived under the basement stairs with glow in the dark stars 
like a tomb with lights and beer
i was on the bottom deeper looking up
thinking i'll never emerge i can't die here
i got up from under the stairs
to the apartment of a suicide
i thought, i can live here
here i am i'm here alone i'm here
i drank alone, listened to gunfire alone
i read the book of the world
one at a time, alone.
one day i nearly collided with a cloud 
of bullets and bodies exploding chaos
in the kiddie park next door. 
that was the nadir.
i drank that night and ended
the slow suicide.
i followed the dogs on the trail to the birders
and i showed one bird girl a dead crow on this blog
and now i'm on the fifteenth floor of vista home
thinking wow the whole human race 
is committing suicide

but not me.