it's in the water. it's coming. 
i swam out with miss lily today and it was sweet though i was dull and thick with sleeplessness. i don't want to think if i'd not had the water cure.
lily swam out beyond her ball and just kept going, eventually she realized and returned and i swam out following her ball's lone journey. 
is something other than wonder and love in the water? is it toxic? each night i have a terrible itch in my arms. is it my mind telling me something about my arms i cannot hold?