the idea that i could not suffer makes me suffer. if i'm the cause, how can i not? choose happiness, but i feel like i have no more choice than a dog. hmm, maybe that's the key.

so is every thing i do selfish? do i suffer because i'm selfish?

barney gets me, i think, though i can be impatient with him, he's patient with me, and then i'm patient with him.

i sure like to think they understand.

that they understand and they are sweet because they understand, where people seem to lack understanding or they understand and are not sweet. that human sweetness is missing.