i think about death, since i was a kid, in my imaginary, but when i think about my own actual death i get antsy. i have to breathe and think about it. olive may likely be our last cat. and the thing i'd dread awfully is getting caught in the system hooked up to a machine or something. i don't want any prolongation by extraordinary measures. i'd like to just go to sleep like a cat, with a cat. anyway i'm not getting any younger. i need to write something down.