i had a friend, sarah, who died. we used to email and i would write something and move it over to the web with and image and dedicate it to sarah. i miss that. this morning i read susan's post and the same thing happened. maybe the ghost of sarah was floating by. i wrote a friend said my angst is hurting them. if we say what we feel do we have to feel bad on top of feeling sad? i remember growing up i learned to just stay in my head with whatever negative thoughts i had. i'm trying to lose that learning now, so as to learn about life. i became profoundly isolated and no one knew me. growing old i am grateful when people are real and share their real feelings. i'm sick of this culture that suppresses truth and normalizes genocide. we're losing everything, is the feeling, the best things in nature, which we may have already forgotten. and in our own nature we've become dislocated, lost in an alien society predicated on destruction, and we're not even expected or able to lament the loss. the known world is collapsing. it's only natural to be sad and have angst, and it's necessary to express it and not deny it, regardless of who may not like it.