there was something poking me last night and the sheet ripped on my side. i wear things out. i've worn out many things. penny is singing cat arias and playing vigorous cat and mouse. she jumps in the tub, on the desk, and tosses her mouse in the bed. maybe it's the pain meds. i thought it would get easier clearing the studio but yesterday was the hardest day. my head feels stuffed with toxic dust, i'm stultified with anxiety, my eyes tear up and dry up. penny just knocked down a box of rocks. i've gotten through a lot of hard days. i'm looking at a journal from bucktown. it's not all safe in the past. i can still get through this i think. prayers and wishes and wondering where are we going.