i wanted to go to the library today or swim but it looks like i may do neither in the rain. i used to ride my bike in rain and on icy streets and it was hard. i got hard in my head. it was always a race to get through each day, butting my head against the world. i see the made up world  suffering, it's not just a hard place, we suffer in it together. i think i'm growing grateful, softer, older. other people too i know feel the place that we have to live is not of our making, and we have to make it do.