sorry charlie.

the second walk i couldn't get her sweater and harness on and had to go home and ask r. to help. she couldn't get the sweater on, but it was a little warmer, and charlie was unfazed. but just walking around the block was tense. my back protested all the way. after weeks missed we were both so excited to  begin again and then i let her down. 

i have to think of the longer time, and believe in this body's ability to heal, and keep walking. 

just now though i feel fragile. 

i note how anxious and worried my mom is, and was when i was a kid, and that got in me, i was nursed on anxious milk, and now it's easier than ever to be anxious about living in this country that has no regard for life, in this disintegrating world. we say this will pass, and we'll be grateful, but what comes after this? 

and where did everybody go? there's people around, but the voice in my head keeps silently saying, where did everybody go?