i was writing an email to suzanne and i thought how attenuated the blog is, how i don't speak myself, and i wonder why that is, few read it anyway, why don't i just write like email, to someone who would receive, to someone i'm actually communicating with. i was saying if i knew how to translate from email to blog i would, then i handwrote it. s. was saying i had star quality and a somewhat normative history of love. i said, if my history of love is no more raggedy-assed than most histories it's a sad admission about human love. one thing clear to me is you are the only one i know of who thinks i have an iota of charisma or star quality leave alone tons. i'm a failure in love. i'm not fishing in the stars here, i just want to say it's your notion. or maybe it's like a camera that can see things other cameras can't see. something i in secret may like to see in myself. but it would be a preterite star quality, light lapsed that lingers in the eye mind alone. more like an unborn star quality. inchoate star. no star at all, the inverse space of a star.

ok you say, maybe you shouldn't learn to copy and paste.

for suzanne, gratitude, the way you see.