i had the cancer dream, but not about benny. when we were walking today i wondered how long we'd be walking together. he was weaving around kind of obliviously and i thought it was just benny but more so, older. i thought if he was a kid when i was a kid we'd have called him a doofus, and then i felt mean inside. then when i found out he had the cancer i felt like i should have known something was wrong, that he was probably telling me when he looked at me and i didn't get it, i thought he was just being sweet, and lonely maybe, since friedl was sick, but now i know he was sick too, and he knew before we knew, because he felt it inside, and then i think i wonder how much i miss of what other beings are communicating or trying to communicate, to me, or someone. and in a couple weeks it's friedl's birthday, and she wanted to walk him again by the day, and i wondered then if she would make it, and now i wonder if he would, and dog gone it it gets me sad.