bug called for new years. we talked a long time, a lot about the people coming into the city from other countries, and that turns into talk about the world. it gets dark and i think i've got to give bug some light. i say it's an 8 year, it's a good omen, the paradigm is shifting, it's gonna shift, but it's getting worse too, the empire may be dying, there's going to be more trouble, stay well, bug stay warm, best regards for the new year, keep me posted, what can i say, love?

 wisdom, what is it. there's no right way to do this. don't fix it, the mind's dream. be the slip in the mindstream. pardon yourself for coming apart. it's only temporary. find the gaza of your heart. lose the war. look at the demon at your door, observe, receive. otherness is not over there. we are separated, not separate. keep losing it. keep coming back. see you next here.

 here and gone. it's the last paramita. 2024 is an 8 year. beginner's mind. prepare to be prepared for a paradigm shift. can you dig it? i know you can.

too short leash.

 

 123123, the morning of new year's eve.

 

Honestly, as soon as I understood what was going on in Palestine I wanted nothing to do with Zionism. I was raised a Zionist and I didn't even know it. I just thought I was Jewish, and I didn't want to have anything to do with religion in any case. It is up to the adults of each generation to tell the truth to their children and break cycles of abuse and trauma. Sticking with Zionism will do nothing but rot your soul, if you still have one. It's not too late to be an empathetic human being. S. Africa are not "Hamas supporters". They are trying to stage an intervention, as they understand brutal, racist, mass violence better than anyone. Israel, S. Africa and the Genocide Convention were all born in the same year - 1948. Time for the US and Israel to understand they can kill freedom fighters, but they can't kill freedom fighting.

-Ted Sirota

they can kill freedom fighters but they can't kill the fight for freedom.

 

 entangled with the earth, you may feel vulnerable and insecure today, especially when dealing with authority figures. have i wasted time?

 because everything matters.

 how can we imagine someone who causes mass slaughter, how can they live with themselves, we can't imagine it, it's impossible, we hear stories of a person killing one person and feeling the shock of death so profound they can't live with themselves, and yet the ones who kill thousands and thousands seem without conscience, immune to the suffering and reap masses of wealth and are praised as heroes fighting against evil, when they themselves are greatest evil, beyond hope, beyond love, beyond human.

 we couldn't find the film for tonight. we started with paprika, then a shit year, then paprika, then the sacrifice, then nothing. emptiness. when the film runs out. when someone goes away and you know they won't come back except in dreams. 

 

i can see mister in the occasional dream or look at him in here but i'm still struck by the fact that i can't hold him anymore. i miss singing to him and talking to him and watching him listening with his soulful black eyes. 

Decadent, my friend, that's what we are, decadent...

Deep inside each of us is a Byzantium in flames,

And I feel neither the flames nor Byzantium,

But the Empire is dying in our watery veins

And our Poetry sprang from our inability to act...

Álvaro de Campos

so long, goosers. signing off.

 

they turned gaza into an assassination factory.

 

happysad.

 

stop the occupation. stop the war criminals. stop bombing gaza.

 

 when the power players talk about improving the neighborhood, this is what they mean: the oligarch occupies the park.

oops, my mind is wandering, wandering, coming back, slowing down, pausing, resting, every moment staying, going away, coming back, every moment my mind is wandering, every moment my mind is coming back.

now the cat is resting on the ball of yarn, r.'s knitting paused. the cat no longer topples the treehouse that leaned on the file cabinet, the treehouse is resting on the wall, the treehouse is in our house.

 

we love penny lu.

they want it, they take it all.

 

you may feel virtuous and want to serve your community today.

 

think of it as a hero's jouney.

 

pleas keep meditating on peace pleas.

 

 i'm proud of my family for going into the labyrinth of the villages and facing the skinny minotaur tony, and coming back to tell the story, after surviving the harrowing highway to the airport. they're on their way back home. woo hoo!

 i just read the new violence, by bennett sims, in the bath. in it some archeologists study a pot with people killing people and writer asks them to watch a horror film and they say they can't stand the violence. he says it takes two thousand years distance. maybe they just choose they form in which the violence is aestheticized. maybe the italian horror flicks are too crude. some like it crude. i wonder about the technology of violence and the technology of viewing it. do we get numb to real violence? i think about the horror of genocide and the industry of hollywood war porn. 

 i didn't sleep well because of the second helping of baked zitti and sadness about mom. i don't know that mom is sad. there is some drama but it's just age and mom knows they need some help now. we all need help. what i like about the paramitas is the idea of crossing over to sanity, not some other place but here, crossing within, from insanity, which is the system we live in, to sanity, which is what gets excluded when we live according to the insane system. and ultimately we have to cross over to the spirit world, without the burden we carry in this one.

 edumacation. there's a lot of stuff in our brains that came with edumacation. what was put in is hard to clear. it's like silting up. in big marsh they're doing a long post-industrial restoration. it will take many more years. we have to have patience and diligence. we have to keep on, and when we get stuck, reset, start again, that's how we keep on.

 i got tired during the 4th paramita—joyful exertion. they say it takes constant effort, constant study, and there will be obstacles—sloth, losing heart, busyness (a form of laziness)—but with acceptance we can open up, not beat ourself up, and not get resigned. i don't do the practice of meditation, which seems to be necessary. maybe i'm as they say, preparing to get prepared. i may meditate in my own way. i am working on awareness. i want to be awake. i'm aware i'm not fully awake yet. i can see the possibility of more exertion and joy.