dad expressed disdain for the blog when he was alive, the one time he looked inside, and it hurt some, but i think it was about the idea of putting a diary out in the public. i recall trying to say blunt things in person to try and disturb his surface. he always acted so unflappable. i wanted to reflect his disregard. i wonder what he would make of all the wrestling and prodding his ghost in the afterlife that's my life.