basti and shelby. 
i feel awful about shelby.
just had a meltdown.
so much old hurt risen
about dogs. 
why do we get the dogs we do?
someone told me when she left me
she made a mistake or
it was a mistake
and i'm not sure what it means yet
and won't i guess.
and that's so sad.
like i picked the wrong dog,
i cant work with this dog.
the dog has to go.
i need my space.
more fool me
making associations like this.
and she's not my dog
and i dont know what to do
and i feel a mistake was made
but i dont know what it was.
this is not clear.
it was basti's thirteenth birthday
and i'm grieving about his dog.
and it always feels so late.