lulu meets vlad the impaler, from new york city. she goes bonkers and jumps on the people, who love it, fortunately for me. 

 oh my dogs, don't look up! sucks! what the heck, it's such a dumb clunky thing! why do people praise such bogosity? no style, booring. 

 the harder they fall was great. 

we did our daily walking meditations, and when i felt overwhelmed i'd press my forehead on his. and he would charge my favorite crystals for when i went home at the end of the day. 

this is a time for revisiting. i can't remember, did i find                      this pocket watch missing its hands or did i remove them?                        i wanted to pause time and i found another pocket watch               encrusted with sand. i think i have a picture of mister                        with that one too. when i look at these pictures he's still alive         still paused for a picture in time.

  at the end of your life, looking back, whatever compelled your attention from moment to moment is simply what your life will have been.

                                                                                              william james 

 i was talking to maw yesterday and she told me about her boyfriends before dad and then meeting dad and she said that was a dreadful mistake and i didn't say and i kind of agreed but we wouldn't even be talking now and i wouldn't even exist so that's a way of looking at the time anxiety like hey what if i didn't even exist which brings me back to it's a wonderful life, and then i think of the song it's a wonderful life by sparklehorse and i want to hear it and that means i can at the touch of a finger because i exist though the fellow who wrote the song already died.

 we can choose, we can decide, but finitude defines our lives.