you are my momentum.
you are my rest.
you are my fixed and moving point
in space and time.

except in darkness, we are bound to our shadows, and our thoughts
continue to be involved with them. these shadows grow and contract,
and seem variously to partake of the surface on which they are cast,
yet each is as personal to us as our names, and although we may change our names,
we cannot take another shadow.

-john hollander
the substance of shadow 

ah.
ah!
heartleap.
soon
all
of this will
be gone.

a diary is for yourself.
you don't do it for others.
why do you do it
if all the stuff's inside
you anyway.

maybe it's too personal
to have any significance
& the rest is rant.
maybe one day 
i be able to stop
like drinking
& wonder why
i never stopped before
maybe i die in shame
& mediocrity.

i guess i'm just not lighthearted enough.
& i am an anarchist.
it's disappointing.
who needs it.

i do wish i was better at reading people.
i can tell the haters right off from a distance,
but i can't tell sometime when people smile
and are warm and feign interest.
i guess i'm like mister in the way of wanting 
everyone to be good
and getting in a well of thinking too well
but mister either way 
is happy 
and me in my well
of despondency.