we went on a walk in the woods. it was quiet and our ears didn't ring like in the city. the cold penetrated and we began to feel it in our core around the fourth mile, and we were ready to head home, and then we saw the pileated woodpecker and we felt an ancient thrill and forgot about the cold. i do get melancholy on my birthday. it's ok to admit it. then i picked a hard rune called the sky god, about patience, trust, and confidence, and i'm lacking in these, but it's ok, once i admit it. also i got a note from the place that mom was seeking help for depression and anxiety, and i think she always has been and she asked for help rather than say she was depressed once and the shrink said have a beer and ride the bike til you're exhausted, so it's a good thing, still it's sad. mom no longer remembers my birthday.