i got sad and sullen in the old apartment. i felt the weight of the void i was trying to fill, through the years, there in that space. i was doing good, tending to one task after another, and it was getting lighter, but now the records, so heavy—and i never played a single one! they were so good, unheard. oh, silent weight. everything matters, everything has a specific weight that adds up and can crush you. i know what i want to do now, and i have to keep my spirit (and body!) in shape, to lighten the weight, to let the void be void, and not try to fill it. and i know it's not just physical stuff, it's mind stuff. it's light the soul wants, not stuff.